Social Distancing: The Newest Word to the Parenting Vocabulary
Author: Kelly McGinnis
Social Distancing is a term that is new in the parenting vocabulary. During these very difficult times we have many questions. One of those major questions I have asked myself is:
How do I parent through this? How can I use my strengths and help my children thrive through this challenging time?
One of most important human needs is to feel loved and secure. Although there are many sources sending multiple messages that challenge this feeling, I would like to encourage you to lean into your strengths and help your child process this time.
Researchers across the board would agree that emotions are felt in an intense way during times of transition and change. Kids are feeling these emotions with the change in activities and school and furthermore distance from friends. The toddlers that meet up at the park or playground might not see their friends for the next several weeks. The elementary school kids, whose friends are primarily their fellow students and teammates, now face minimal social interactions. Teens are connected through social media and now are faced with a ton of free time on their hands and less supervision. No matter what age group you have in your home, all children will experience an array of emotions over the next month. Below are three simple steps to help parents understand and deal with emotions.
1. Be aware of your child’s emotions.
Talk to them about how they are feeling. Read books and stories about different times throughout world history that kids were faced with uncertainty. Use a variety of different words until they can relate to a feeling.
2. Recognize this time as an opportunity to connect.
As much as it is an inconvenience and a struggle to be juggling work, kids off school, no activities, financial questions, and figuring out where to get toilet paper, our kids need us the most. How we respond will impact future generations and set a foundation for strong resilient families.
3. Communicate Empathy and Understanding
When children are able to express their feelings AND know they are not alone in that feeling, they feel more secure. The ability for children to feel heard and understood takes the power away from the emotion and increases the connection within the family.
If you have taken our Incredible Parent assessment then you already know your Super Six parenting strengths. If you haven’t, you can do so HERE.
Below are some suggestions for using those strengths to help you navigate these news waters.
Advisor Parent: You are a big picture parent. Sit down with your family and have a family gathering. Allow the kids to bring up questions they have and help them see the long-term view. Discuss challenges that your family is facing and brainstorm ways that you can come together. Come up with a family motto or saying that will help you manage through the unknown.
Defender Parent: You treat people equally and look out for the underdog. Do a family movie day and find a movie or a show that has adversity that your family can watch together (Example Movies: Remember the Titans and Blindside). Discuss and share what you see and how this impacts others.
Fortitude Parent: You are a parent willing to do whatever it takes. This is the perfect time to have the conversation with your kids about strengths. What do you see in them that will help them stick this out? Teach them the benefit of resilience and use this historic event to set goals for your family. Simplify. Decide what really matters in your family’s life right now and focus on that.
Gracious: You are the forgive and forget parent. In order to keep the peace when emotions are running high look for ways to teach your grace. Use rock, paper, scissors to solve issues. Have a complaint corner where kids can come and share their concerns. Use this time to really help your children understand WHO they are.
Inspiration: Motivate your kids to do their best. Have your kids create a Corona Virus Bucket list. What are things that you have always wanted to do and accomplish around the house that you just have not had time? What could we do outside? Share an encouraging word, statistic, or motivational message daily.
Objectivity: You are the parent who thinks things through. Create a PRO CON chart that the kids can add sticky note to as they notice or become aware about the PRO’s and CONS of staying home for a month. Give your kids a budget of what they can spend money on during the break and see what they choose and why.
Organizer: You are the parent that thrives off routine and structure. Create a menu plan and a schedule for the kids to follow while they are home. Children thrive on schedules and routine because it gives them a sense of control and order in a world that feels out of control. Assign dinners to the children to be chef for the night (with your help!). They get to pick the meal, set the table, and pick the theme of the evening.
Sensitivity: You are highly in-tune to the needs of your kids. Create a safe space that they can be emotional. Cuddle with them a little longer than normal show them that you really care. Remind them of the truth with bible verses, sticky notes, strength-based praise, and more.
Stability: You are able to keep your family calm. This strength will be so valuable as the media continues to share the impact through the world. Use this strength to create balance and security.
Tenderness: You are the kind, thoughtful, loving parent. Brainstorm with your kids the way that you can help others. Create a random acts of kindness list. Within the parameters of your local health agency guidelines, what can you do to bless and help others? Drop off cookies on someone’s doorstep, send a special card to a teacher, Think big!
Trainer: You are the parent that has expectations and boundaries. Create family expectations that are appropriate for the time. Post this somewhere in the house so all the kids have a consistent reminder of what is expected of them.
Zest: You are the parent filled with enthusiasm and joy. Turn the month at home into a game. How can your kids earn badges, achieve milestones, and feel a sense of accomplishment. My kids are earning raffle tickets and each Friday we are drawing a few tickets for small little prizes. We will do a big drawing at the end of this and raffle off a bigger prize. They earn tickets for following directions, choosing wisely, being kind, and more. Another idea for Zest parents would be to create photo journal savoring each of these days and turn it into a picture book when its all over.
*** It is also a great idea to consider your child and their strengths and make sure they have opportunities to develop their shining eyes at home! We will put out some ideas for kids strengths next week!
Author: Kelly McGinnis, Chief Creative Officer of IncredibleFamilies Inc has 14 years of experience alongside families with a special place in her heart for Moms. She cheers loudly for her family, loves deeply, and looks to help anyway she can. Founder of Shine On Family, Kelly seeks to educate, encourage, and empower families to be incredible. She is a Certified Incredible Coach and BBH Educator and Emotion Coach through the Gottman Institute. Her focus is partnering with parents to discover and develop strengths to bringing out the best in families
